Smirnoff
10-24-2009, 07:24 AM
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
I sent this story to our Living Green editor, but he didn’t
want to use it thinking it was inappropriate. I, however,
have no such compunction. I love stories about over coming
adversity, especially when they involve brothels.
In an effort to reverse falling demand in the economic crisis,
as well as help fight global warming, one bordello in Berlin
has begun offering discounts to customers who pedal bicycles
to the door.
“It’s very difficult to find parking around here, and this
option is better for our environment,” said Thomas Goetz, who
owns the brothel Maison d’Envie, or House of Desire.
In an example of how progressive Berliners are toward both
the environment and whore houses, local residents have
welcomed the bordello’s offer to emphasize the environment.
The bordellos in the capital of Germany, where prostitution
is legal, have seen business suffer with the global financial
crisis. Patrons have become more frugal, and there are fewer
potential customers coming to the city for business trips and
conferences.
But Maison d’Envie has seen its business begin to return since
it began offering the discount in July.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
————————————————————
+————— Bizarre Colonoscopy Humor —————-+
[A physician claims these are actual comments from his
patients made while he was performing colonoscopies.]
1. “Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man
has gone before.”
2. “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”
3. “Can you hear me NOW?”
4. “Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!”
5. “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
6. “You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.”
7. “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
8. “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out.
You do the Hokey Pokey….”
9. “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
10. “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must acquit!”
11. “Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”
12. “You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?”
13. “Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my
head is not, in fact, up there?”
***
———— Man asked for jail to escape wife ————-
PALERMO, Italy – An Italian man who violated his house
arrest requested jail to get away from his wife, but the
judge sent him back home. Santo Gambino, 30, who was
arrested for dumping construction waste in March, was
taken to court after he was caught violating his house
arrest and asked to be given a jail sentence instead to
escape his wife’s “non-stop nagging” at home, the Italian
news agency ANSA reported Thursday. However, the judge
sent Gambino, who lives outside Palermo on the island of
Sicily, back home on house arrest and ordered him to “try
to get along” with his wife.
————————————————————
——— Young Norwegian takes Monopoly title ———–
LAS VEGAS – A 19-year-old Norwegian defeated opponents
from New Zealand, Russia and the United States to become
the new world Monopoly champion. Bjorn Halvard of Oslo
won $20,580 Thursday, KVVU-TV, Las Vegas, reported. The
prize in the Monopoly World Championship is the real U.S.
currency equivalent of the paper money in the standard
Monopoly bank. Hjalvard, who graduated a few months ago
from high school, the Oslo Private Gymnasium, needed only
45 minutes to eliminate his three opponents in the final.
The runner-up, Geoff Christopher, 25, of New Zealand,
tapped out when he landed on Pacific and North Carolina
avenues in two consecutive moves and did not have the
Monopoly money to pay Hjalvard $1,600 in rent. Monopoly
in its current form dates back to 1935 although it was
based on an earlier board game invented by Elizabeth
Phillips in 1904. Phillips, a Quaker and advocate of the
single-tax ideas of Henry George, hoped to show the evils
of monopoly ownership of land. Hasbro which owns Monopoly,
has been holding the world championship since 1973.
————————————————————
———- Man pleads guilty to La-Z-Boy crash ———–
PROCTOR, Minn. – A Minnesota man pleaded guilty to driving
while intoxicated — in a motorized easy chair he crashed
into a parked car. Dennis LeRoy Anderson, 62, of Proctor,
who pleaded guilty Monday in St. Louis County District
Court, was fined $1,000 and given two years of probation,
the Duluth (Minn.) News Tribune reported. Judge Heather
Sweetland of the 6th Judicial District stayed two years’
jail and half of a $2,000 fine. The criminal complaint
against Anderson said he tried to drive the motorized
La-Z-Boy chair home from a Proctor bar after drinking
eight or nine beers. Police arrived after he hit a parked
car with the chair, powered by a converted lawnmower, and
his blood alcohol content was 0.29 percent, more than
three times the legal limit for driving. No one was
injured.
————————————————————
Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E!
http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14380/c/120/a/499
————————————————————
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
I sent this story to our Living Green editor, but he didn’t
want to use it thinking it was inappropriate. I, however,
have no such compunction. I love stories about over coming
adversity, especially when they involve brothels.
In an effort to reverse falling demand in the economic crisis,
as well as help fight global warming, one bordello in Berlin
has begun offering discounts to customers who pedal bicycles
to the door.
“It’s very difficult to find parking around here, and this
option is better for our environment,” said Thomas Goetz, who
owns the brothel Maison d’Envie, or House of Desire.
In an example of how progressive Berliners are toward both
the environment and whore houses, local residents have
welcomed the bordello’s offer to emphasize the environment.
The bordellos in the capital of Germany, where prostitution
is legal, have seen business suffer with the global financial
crisis. Patrons have become more frugal, and there are fewer
potential customers coming to the city for business trips and
conferences.
But Maison d’Envie has seen its business begin to return since
it began offering the discount in July.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
————————————————————
+————— Bizarre Colonoscopy Humor —————-+
[A physician claims these are actual comments from his
patients made while he was performing colonoscopies.]
1. “Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man
has gone before.”
2. “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”
3. “Can you hear me NOW?”
4. “Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!”
5. “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
6. “You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.”
7. “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
8. “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out.
You do the Hokey Pokey….”
9. “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
10. “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must acquit!”
11. “Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”
12. “You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?”
13. “Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my
head is not, in fact, up there?”
***
———— Man asked for jail to escape wife ————-
PALERMO, Italy – An Italian man who violated his house
arrest requested jail to get away from his wife, but the
judge sent him back home. Santo Gambino, 30, who was
arrested for dumping construction waste in March, was
taken to court after he was caught violating his house
arrest and asked to be given a jail sentence instead to
escape his wife’s “non-stop nagging” at home, the Italian
news agency ANSA reported Thursday. However, the judge
sent Gambino, who lives outside Palermo on the island of
Sicily, back home on house arrest and ordered him to “try
to get along” with his wife.
————————————————————
——— Young Norwegian takes Monopoly title ———–
LAS VEGAS – A 19-year-old Norwegian defeated opponents
from New Zealand, Russia and the United States to become
the new world Monopoly champion. Bjorn Halvard of Oslo
won $20,580 Thursday, KVVU-TV, Las Vegas, reported. The
prize in the Monopoly World Championship is the real U.S.
currency equivalent of the paper money in the standard
Monopoly bank. Hjalvard, who graduated a few months ago
from high school, the Oslo Private Gymnasium, needed only
45 minutes to eliminate his three opponents in the final.
The runner-up, Geoff Christopher, 25, of New Zealand,
tapped out when he landed on Pacific and North Carolina
avenues in two consecutive moves and did not have the
Monopoly money to pay Hjalvard $1,600 in rent. Monopoly
in its current form dates back to 1935 although it was
based on an earlier board game invented by Elizabeth
Phillips in 1904. Phillips, a Quaker and advocate of the
single-tax ideas of Henry George, hoped to show the evils
of monopoly ownership of land. Hasbro which owns Monopoly,
has been holding the world championship since 1973.
————————————————————
———- Man pleads guilty to La-Z-Boy crash ———–
PROCTOR, Minn. – A Minnesota man pleaded guilty to driving
while intoxicated — in a motorized easy chair he crashed
into a parked car. Dennis LeRoy Anderson, 62, of Proctor,
who pleaded guilty Monday in St. Louis County District
Court, was fined $1,000 and given two years of probation,
the Duluth (Minn.) News Tribune reported. Judge Heather
Sweetland of the 6th Judicial District stayed two years’
jail and half of a $2,000 fine. The criminal complaint
against Anderson said he tried to drive the motorized
La-Z-Boy chair home from a Proctor bar after drinking
eight or nine beers. Police arrived after he hit a parked
car with the chair, powered by a converted lawnmower, and
his blood alcohol content was 0.29 percent, more than
three times the legal limit for driving. No one was
injured.
————————————————————
Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here…F-R-E-E!
http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14380/c/120/a/499
————————————————————
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS