Smirnoff
06-06-2009, 04:19 PM
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Somebody mailed me a list of “Sixty Amazing-but-True Facts”
which I was very interested in reading. I’m always on the
lookout for bizarre “factoids” that I can share with you.
The first few were certainly bizarre, but seemingly within
the realm of reality, such as, “Male rhesus monkeys often
hang from tree branches by their amazing prehensile
penises.”
Or…
“SCUBA divers cannot pass gas at depths of 33 feet or
below.”
But after the first dozen they became so ridiculous as to
be completely unbelievable. However, they still have some
entertainment value. So I have listed a few of the high-
lights for you below.
————————————-
The first McDonald’s restaurant opened for business in 1952
in Edinburgh, Scotland, and featured the McHaggis sandwich.
The typewriter was invented by Hungarian immigrant Qwert
Yuiop, who left his “signature” on the keyboard.
The volume of water that the Giant Sequoia tree consumes in
a 24-hour period contains enough suspended minerals to pave
17.3 feet of a 4-lane concrete freeway.
Because printed materials are being replaced by CD-ROMs,
microfiche and the Internet, libraries that previously sank
into their foundations under the weight of their books are
now in danger of collapsing in extremely high winds.
In 1843, a Parisian street mime got stuck in his imaginary
box and consequently died of starvation.
[This one I kind of believe.]
Until 1978, Camel cigarettes contained minute particles of
real camels.
University of Virginia researchers released a study
promoting the practice of nose picking, claiming that
the health benefits of keeping nasal passages free from
infectious blockages far outweigh the negative social
connotations.
If you put a bee in a film canister for two hours, it
will go blind and leave behind its weight in honey.
[Seems like somebody forgot about the Conservation of
Matter law.]
Due to the angle at which the optic nerve enters the brain,
staring at a blue surface during sex greatly increases the
intensity of orgasms.
[Get out the paint brushes and rollers, boys.]
In WWII the US military planned to airdrop over France
propaganda in the form of Playboy magazine, with coded
messages hidden in the models’ turn-ons and turn-offs.
The plan was scrapped because of a staple shortage due
to rationing of metal.
[That would have been quite an achievement since Playboy
was founded by Hugh Hefner in 1953.]
Although difficult, it’s possible to start a fire by
rapidly rubbing together two Cool Ranch Doritos.
Well, folks, cram that index finger up your nose and
careful while eating your Doritos, it’s time for Bizarre
News.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
+—————————- Bizarre Inventions —————————-+
1. The Tonya Tapper - A personal security steel club named
after the notorious skater; suitable for all knee whack-
ing purposes.
2. Sweet Jesus Chocolate - Tasty milk chocolate crucifix
candies that ooze red jelly when bitten.
3. Insecticide Pantyhose - Bug resistant pantyhose sure to
repel spiders, cockroaches, [and probably dates.]
4. Artificial Spray-On Dirt - For the yuppie whose tired of
looking wuss in his luxury S.U.V. This is sure to provide
that rugged four-wheeling look.
5. Drive-Through Window at Funeral Homes - For the more
somber drive-by.
6. .45 Semiautomatic Telephone - A novelty phone sure to
please the darkest sense of humor. The caller must hold
the gun against their head to make a call; let the fun
begin.
7. Bird Diaper - For Polly when potty training is not an
option.
8. Snif-T-Panties - Women’s underwear with built in
fragrance to capture the right mood; scents include
rose, banana, pickles, pizza and, of course, whiskey.
——– Mom accused of duct-taping daughter’s boyfriend ——–
You think your girlfriend’s family is bad? Authorities in
California arrested a woman for allegedly trying to kidnap
her daughter’s boyfriend and haul him away to Northern
California. A sheriff’s spokeswoman said that two women went
to the young man’s home and tried to tie him up with duct
tape. The victim told authorities the women said they were
taking him to get him away from one of the women’s 21-year-
old daughter. Authorities said both women were arrested on
suspicion of attempted kidnapping.
———————————————————————————————–
Solar Light & Bug Zapper
Zap Those Bugs That Are Bugging You…
Normal Price: $24.99
DEAL PRICE: $14.99
Get two for: $23.98
Shed some light on what’s bugging you with this Solar Light
and Bug Zapper from Prolectrix.
This 2-in-1 insect killer and solar light stores energy during
the day and then automatically switches on at dusk to provide
up to eight hours of illumination. A simple flick of a switch
lets you choose between regular white light and UV light for
insect killer mode.
Like a moth to a candle’s flame, mosquitoes, flies and other
insects are lured toward the light and away from you. Designed
for use in garden or lawn, this Solar Light and Bug Zapper
looks great and saves energy too. No wiring required. Just
stake in ground and start enjoying your evenings outside again.
Set-up is quick and easy… uses a single AA NI-CD rechargeable
battery… YES it is included! Get one for $14.99 or get two
for $23.98… that’s right, you get two for less than the normal
price of one!
http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14510/c/117/a/499
Solar Light & Bug Zapper Zap Those Bugs That Are Bugging You (http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14510/c/117/a/499)
———————————————————————————————–
—————— Have aliens left another calling card? ——————
Conspiracists — and Brits — are all atwitter about a crop
circle that appeared at an Oxfordshire barley field. Instead
of circles, the creators have become far more artistic. The
“circle” is in the shape of a 600-foot jellyfish. Karen
Alexander, a croppy (the name for experts in this field),
says this one’s “absolutely huge — roughly three times bigger
than…most crop patterns, and extremely interesting. People
have been aghast at the size of it. It is a complete monster.”
What human motivations could lie behind this? The English
countryside could be facing a turf war, as Oxfordshire looks
to poach tourists from Wiltshire. That town’s currently the
crop-circle capital, thanks to a lovely 350-foot yin-yang
symbol near an ancient burial mound. Or who knows? Maybe the
recent outbreak is an homage to a late crop-circle researcher,
who recently passed away at age 90.
——— NY parking tickets pile up on van with dead driver ———-
You have to appreciate those New York cops. Traffic police
in the Big Apple spent weeks pasting parking tickets to a
van illegally parked beneath an overpass on the Brooklyn-
Queens Expressway. Finally, when a city marshal tried to
tow the vehicle the body was found in the backseat. Witnesses
had reported a foul odor near the vehicle, but still the
tickets piled up. It wasn’t clear exactly how many tickets
were on the minivan’s windshield when the body was discovered.
“The window was cracked open. I don’t understand how no one
noticed him. They just gave him tickets,” a witness told the
Daily News.
———————————————————————————————–
*———> What Are YOU Interested In?
Somebody mailed me a list of “Sixty Amazing-but-True Facts”
which I was very interested in reading. I’m always on the
lookout for bizarre “factoids” that I can share with you.
The first few were certainly bizarre, but seemingly within
the realm of reality, such as, “Male rhesus monkeys often
hang from tree branches by their amazing prehensile
penises.”
Or…
“SCUBA divers cannot pass gas at depths of 33 feet or
below.”
But after the first dozen they became so ridiculous as to
be completely unbelievable. However, they still have some
entertainment value. So I have listed a few of the high-
lights for you below.
————————————-
The first McDonald’s restaurant opened for business in 1952
in Edinburgh, Scotland, and featured the McHaggis sandwich.
The typewriter was invented by Hungarian immigrant Qwert
Yuiop, who left his “signature” on the keyboard.
The volume of water that the Giant Sequoia tree consumes in
a 24-hour period contains enough suspended minerals to pave
17.3 feet of a 4-lane concrete freeway.
Because printed materials are being replaced by CD-ROMs,
microfiche and the Internet, libraries that previously sank
into their foundations under the weight of their books are
now in danger of collapsing in extremely high winds.
In 1843, a Parisian street mime got stuck in his imaginary
box and consequently died of starvation.
[This one I kind of believe.]
Until 1978, Camel cigarettes contained minute particles of
real camels.
University of Virginia researchers released a study
promoting the practice of nose picking, claiming that
the health benefits of keeping nasal passages free from
infectious blockages far outweigh the negative social
connotations.
If you put a bee in a film canister for two hours, it
will go blind and leave behind its weight in honey.
[Seems like somebody forgot about the Conservation of
Matter law.]
Due to the angle at which the optic nerve enters the brain,
staring at a blue surface during sex greatly increases the
intensity of orgasms.
[Get out the paint brushes and rollers, boys.]
In WWII the US military planned to airdrop over France
propaganda in the form of Playboy magazine, with coded
messages hidden in the models’ turn-ons and turn-offs.
The plan was scrapped because of a staple shortage due
to rationing of metal.
[That would have been quite an achievement since Playboy
was founded by Hugh Hefner in 1953.]
Although difficult, it’s possible to start a fire by
rapidly rubbing together two Cool Ranch Doritos.
Well, folks, cram that index finger up your nose and
careful while eating your Doritos, it’s time for Bizarre
News.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
+—————————- Bizarre Inventions —————————-+
1. The Tonya Tapper - A personal security steel club named
after the notorious skater; suitable for all knee whack-
ing purposes.
2. Sweet Jesus Chocolate - Tasty milk chocolate crucifix
candies that ooze red jelly when bitten.
3. Insecticide Pantyhose - Bug resistant pantyhose sure to
repel spiders, cockroaches, [and probably dates.]
4. Artificial Spray-On Dirt - For the yuppie whose tired of
looking wuss in his luxury S.U.V. This is sure to provide
that rugged four-wheeling look.
5. Drive-Through Window at Funeral Homes - For the more
somber drive-by.
6. .45 Semiautomatic Telephone - A novelty phone sure to
please the darkest sense of humor. The caller must hold
the gun against their head to make a call; let the fun
begin.
7. Bird Diaper - For Polly when potty training is not an
option.
8. Snif-T-Panties - Women’s underwear with built in
fragrance to capture the right mood; scents include
rose, banana, pickles, pizza and, of course, whiskey.
——– Mom accused of duct-taping daughter’s boyfriend ——–
You think your girlfriend’s family is bad? Authorities in
California arrested a woman for allegedly trying to kidnap
her daughter’s boyfriend and haul him away to Northern
California. A sheriff’s spokeswoman said that two women went
to the young man’s home and tried to tie him up with duct
tape. The victim told authorities the women said they were
taking him to get him away from one of the women’s 21-year-
old daughter. Authorities said both women were arrested on
suspicion of attempted kidnapping.
———————————————————————————————–
Solar Light & Bug Zapper
Zap Those Bugs That Are Bugging You…
Normal Price: $24.99
DEAL PRICE: $14.99
Get two for: $23.98
Shed some light on what’s bugging you with this Solar Light
and Bug Zapper from Prolectrix.
This 2-in-1 insect killer and solar light stores energy during
the day and then automatically switches on at dusk to provide
up to eight hours of illumination. A simple flick of a switch
lets you choose between regular white light and UV light for
insect killer mode.
Like a moth to a candle’s flame, mosquitoes, flies and other
insects are lured toward the light and away from you. Designed
for use in garden or lawn, this Solar Light and Bug Zapper
looks great and saves energy too. No wiring required. Just
stake in ground and start enjoying your evenings outside again.
Set-up is quick and easy… uses a single AA NI-CD rechargeable
battery… YES it is included! Get one for $14.99 or get two
for $23.98… that’s right, you get two for less than the normal
price of one!
http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14510/c/117/a/499
Solar Light & Bug Zapper Zap Those Bugs That Are Bugging You (http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14510/c/117/a/499)
———————————————————————————————–
—————— Have aliens left another calling card? ——————
Conspiracists — and Brits — are all atwitter about a crop
circle that appeared at an Oxfordshire barley field. Instead
of circles, the creators have become far more artistic. The
“circle” is in the shape of a 600-foot jellyfish. Karen
Alexander, a croppy (the name for experts in this field),
says this one’s “absolutely huge — roughly three times bigger
than…most crop patterns, and extremely interesting. People
have been aghast at the size of it. It is a complete monster.”
What human motivations could lie behind this? The English
countryside could be facing a turf war, as Oxfordshire looks
to poach tourists from Wiltshire. That town’s currently the
crop-circle capital, thanks to a lovely 350-foot yin-yang
symbol near an ancient burial mound. Or who knows? Maybe the
recent outbreak is an homage to a late crop-circle researcher,
who recently passed away at age 90.
——— NY parking tickets pile up on van with dead driver ———-
You have to appreciate those New York cops. Traffic police
in the Big Apple spent weeks pasting parking tickets to a
van illegally parked beneath an overpass on the Brooklyn-
Queens Expressway. Finally, when a city marshal tried to
tow the vehicle the body was found in the backseat. Witnesses
had reported a foul odor near the vehicle, but still the
tickets piled up. It wasn’t clear exactly how many tickets
were on the minivan’s windshield when the body was discovered.
“The window was cracked open. I don’t understand how no one
noticed him. They just gave him tickets,” a witness told the
Daily News.
———————————————————————————————–
*———> What Are YOU Interested In?